Brain Rules for Baby

Recommended by Mr. Rip, a book on how to raise and mentally stimulate children. It says it opens your eyes to many myths about development.

Brain Rules for Baby by John Medina is one of the most read texts among Googlers in Zurich as “science backed” strategies to best raise your kids up to age 5 from the standpoint of brain stimulation. Spoiler: much of what you have heard so far is not supported by evidence, and Medina explains why.

Good book, it really opened my eyes to the role of the parent and the beauty of having children. Lean but substantial and easy to read, just the right mix of science and anecdotes that makes for a pleasant read. There are a few tips on raising children and reassuring ambitious parents who want to see them excel.

Notes

• Big summary:
  • Babies develop an active mental life in the womb
  • Stressed mom, stressed baby
  • Eat right, stay fit, get lots of pedicures
  • Happy marriage, happy baby
  • The brain seeks safety above all
  • What is obvious to you is obvious to you
  • The brain cares about survival before learning
  • Intelligence is more than IQ
  • Face time, not screen time
  • Safe baby, smart baby
  • Praise effort, not IQ
  • Guided play—every day
  • Emotions, not emoticons
• In short: children absorb everything, behaviors, words, emotions. Be mindful of what you share with them. Talking a lot with them is very important to improve language and communication.
• There is the seed and there is the soil. Remember that about 50% is genetics, the rest is environment and other factors.
• Great explanation of our very long phase of parenthood: to walk on two legs our childbirth is much more dangerous, so we deliver babies before they are fully developed, and we have to raise them ourselves.
• 🔑 For the first half of pregnancy: leave the baby alone. No product will make the baby smarter, and the mom should take it easy.
• Babies can hear the mother’s voice in the sixth month and they love it. Exposing them to familiar stimuli from the womb relaxes them.
• Same for taste, touch, and smell.
• Remember the Goldilocks principle: no extremes, a middle path usually gives the best results.
• For the first principle, what should a pregnant mom follow? Gain the right amount of weight. Eat the right foods (the usuals, remember iron, omega-3, and folic acid). Avoid stress. Do some physical exercise.
• The period after the first child is hard. Many marriages worsen. Arguing becomes very easy. Couples have about one third of the time alone they had before. It can lead to many problems, which then influence the child, who observes everything.
• 🔑 How to keep the marriage steady? Make the other person feel heard. EMPATHY. Recognize what feeling the other person is experiencing, describe it, explore it together. Usually the problems are lack of sleep, social isolation, division of labor, and depression.
• 70% of conflicts is not solvable, but if we live with our differences, that is fine. It does not require a solution, but understanding.
• Nice diplomatic quote: “I have friends on both sides of the issue, and I like to stand with my friends”
• Under two, the child should watch zero TV.
• To foster intelligence, encourage creative play (like drawing or inventing adventures), especially talking and communicating with parents and other children. Focus on open-ended play.
• 🔑 Praise the effort, not the result. “You really worked hard.” Otherwise as soon as they encounter difficulty and fail they will feel like a failure. They need to learn to persist and do their best, not to be perfect.
• 🔑 Happiness research: “The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.”
• Empathy makes good friends and in turn makes you happier. To develop it, the child needs a path and the necessary social skills. Understand emotions.
• Meat and spices metaphor: the meat is the child’s emotional life, but you can season it a bit with • a demanding but warm parenting style • comfort with your own emotions • tracking your child’s emotions • verbalizing emotions • running toward emotions
• In short, it depends on you. Empathize with the child (for example, if they throw a tantrum, explain which emotions they are experiencing), share your emotions with them, show that it is normal to communicate. Crises are teaching moments, not just problems. A lesson to share.
• Labeling emotions calms big feelings. Example: “You are thirsty, right? A nice glass of water would calm you. I wish I had a fountain with me right now.” How parents handle children’s strong emotions is a big factor.
• 🔑 Parenting style that raises capable kids: Authoritative: Just right Responsive plus demanding. Probably the best of the lot. These parents are demanding, but they care a great deal about their kids. They explain their rules and encourage their children to state their reactions to them. They encourage high levels of independence, yet see that children comply with family values. These parents tend to have terrific communication skills with their children.
• 🔑 Three-legged stool for a child’s morality: • Clear, consistent rules and rewards • Swift punishment • Explaining the rules
• Rules must be logical and consistent. A yes is a yes, a no is a no. Otherwise you confuse the child.
• If you explain the why behind each decision and consequence you get far better results: the child understands why they should not do something and remembers it. Otherwise they only associate the punishment.
• Hitting a child does not help.
• 🔑 Be willing to enter into your child’s world on a regular basis and to empathize with what your child is feeling. Simple as a song. Complex as a symphony.
• Beautiful closing on how children can drive you crazy, but in the end you are the one learning to raise a human being. It is an honor and a privilege. We are creating human hearts.