Finished 16/11/2023
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
For the long term and to learn a few communication tools, since in How To Talk To Anyone the author suggested considering everyone as children. A big manual often called the Bible for new parents, though it is from the 80s. Very solid; nothing groundbreaking compared to what I had already seen, but it strengthened some communication aspects I was missing, especially around conflict and handling emotional outbursts.
Notes
- What works for children can definitely be applied to adults
- Imagine being a child having a meltdown because someone did something mean to you. Your parents overanalyze, minimize, propose solutions, offer empty pity. No. What you need is “IT MUST BE REALLY BAD, I CAN SEE YOU HAD A ROUGH DAY.” D E S C R I B E. Be empathetic and put yourself in their shoes.
- THEY WANT TO BE HEARD.
- Name the feeling: Hmm… I see. It must be Annoying/Stressful/Traumatic, etc. Never minimize it
- Instead of punishing, give information. Spills something -> the broom is over there. Useful tip: write down ideas, brainstorm together. Ask how they plan to resolve the situation
- EXPLAIN why what they did is not OK. For example, “at weddings people expect you to dress well or they might think you do not care”
- Show what you feel. If it makes you angry, say, “I feel angry because now I have to fix this”
- In general, leaving notes is an excellent method
- Give the child power by offering choices: do you want to brush your teeth before or after the bedtime story? Practical tip.
- Praise them honestly. Do not say “it is beautiful” -> appreciate a detail, like how their drawing used red well