Never Split The Difference

Recommended by a YouTuber, this is an interesting negotiation book, never trivial and full of insights. Each chapter includes a kidnapping story, then illustrates the technique with other examples refined in that situation. I found many useful ideas and will try them out.

Notes

• Listen. People need to feel heard, and you need every possible detail.
• Be a mirror: the goal is to understand what the other side wants, and you need to be the other side. Repeat the last 3 words they said (or the 3 most important). Stay silent and use it.
• Label their pain. Try with “It seems that ** you do not like”, and try to identify what they are expressing with these impersonal phrases. Then stay silent while they answer.
• No is fine; it leaves the other person feeling in control. If they ignore you, ask an assertive question like “Is the deal off?” to make it easy for them to say “No”.
• “That’s Right” is the magic phrase, a sincere yes that means they truly agree.
• Shape their reality: tactics like using “fair” to influence their sense of values, using an exaggerated range to anchor high/low, and using odd numbers (38218) to imply careful calculation.
• Give them the illusion: “How can I help you like this?”, “How do we solve the problem?” With how/what, the other person will make the real decisions and feel in charge. Use calibrated questions!
• Watch for black swans: unpredictable and very tricky, but look for these signals without taking anything for granted because they can upend any negotiation. Example: a killer who carried out a killing by the deadline because he did not want to escape but to be killed; they should have anticipated that.