What Every Body is Saying

Read in a week, the book is very interesting. It opened my eyes to the small movements and details we show in comfort and discomfort; I need to be a more attentive observer. The reason is our limbic system, the “honest system”. Pay attention to pacifying behaviors, gestures that soothe inner stress. Nat Eliason has excellent notes worth rereading.

Notes

• FFF: We freeze in danger, often locking the feet and gesturing less, stiffening up.
• Pacifying: touching the neck (M) or the chest (F) to protect ourselves is an instinctive way to self-soothe.
• Be careful not to misread. Note differences from a “baseline,” when the person is at ease, compared with the rest. Do not mistake stress for deception; it is not easy.
• Feet: “happy feet”, fidgety = joy. “defying gravity”, up on the toes = positive. Feet pointing to the exit indicate a desire to leave. Rigid feet signal perceived threat. Very interesting and underrated.
• We “lean” toward the person we feel positive about. Synchrony is another sign.
• Torso: tightly crossed arms = discomfort. Spreading out with the arms, lounging = expanding territory, confident. Turtle shoulders = insecure. Chest thrust out = aggressive.
• Head: tilted = positive feeling. Covering the eyes is a powerful pacifier. Also note a furrowed forehead, eyes widened or squeezed shut = negative, while raised eyebrows and “opening” the eyes show interest. Fake smile = the mouth does not lift and the eyes stay small.
• Lies: separate, quite challenging chapter. Focus on “asynchrony”: if the person’s behaviors do not align, or limbic movements are delayed, it is very suspicious. Interesting chapter.
• In conclusion, this book really trains the eye to notice small details in people.